Into Some Bile: A Warrior's Parody
by warriorcatsXPO
Summary: When Derpy, a plump, ordinary house cat, chases a deer into the forest, he meets a couple cats from DunderClan. Then he's unwillingly dragged into the mess of Clans and warriors. A parody of Erin Hunter's Warriors series, which I do not own.


Just for you to be familiar with them, I'm giving you the DunderClan (ThunderClan) cats. The other stuffs should be pretty easy to figure out.

Leader: Poostar (Bluestar) Apprentice, Poppaw (Firepaw)

Deputy: Greenhead (Redtail) Apprentice, Dustpaw

Medicine Cat: Leafyspot (Spottedleaf)

Warriors: Lyingfart (Lionheart) Apprentice, Oldpaw (Graypaw)

Tigerball (Tigerclaw) Apprentice, Pawpaw (Ravenpaw)

Uglystorm (Whitestorm) Apprentice, Landpaw

Lightstripes (Darkstripe)

Wrongtale (Longtail)

Smellywind (Runningwind)

Willowwillow (Willowpelt)

Mousebrain (Mousefur)

Apprentices: Dustpaw

Oldpaw (Graypaw)

Pawpaw (Ravenpaw)

Landpaw (Sandpaw)

Poppaw (Firepaw)

Queens: Frostysnowman (Frostfur)

Spindlyface (Brindleface)

Moldyflower (Goldenflower)

Geckomail (Speckletail)

Elders: Halfmoon (Halftail)

Bigears (Smallear)

Patchwork (Patchpelt)

Seveneyes (One-Eye)

Applerail (Dappletail)

CHAPTER 1 BEGINS HERE. Note: I don't own the Warriors stuff. I just thought it'd be funny to write crazy stories about the cats.

Derpy crouched lower in the dense undergrowth. His stomach growled, reminding him of his hunger. He could smell something – was it mouse?

Nah, he realized, he had just passed gas. Oh well.

But then Derpy actually saw a mouse, huddling in the bushes, eating a berry. He crouched lower, lifting his butt high into the air so that the mouse wouldn't smell the stink. He crept forward loudly, but the mouse didn't notice. Then he pounced.

Derpy had misjudged his jump by a couple yards and he crashed into a clump of brambles. He yowled, then snapped awake.

He was back in his owner's home. The whole thing had been a dream. _Shame_, thought Derpy. _I could almost taste that mouse._

He lifted himself off of the Legoes he'd been tossing around on and went to the food bowl to eat some slop. After he finished eating it all, food and bowl, he went outside and tried to climb up onto the fence. For the third time in the week, the sturdy metal fence collapsed under his weight.

"Hey Derpy," came a meow from the next house. It was Sludge, Derpy's best friend. As usual, Sludge's purple fur was oily and slicked into wild clumps. Derpy's fur was a long, reddish-orange. Perfect for camouflaging against carrots and apples.

"Hi, Sludge," meowed Derpy, walking towards his friend's garden. The ten foot distance that separated the two houses was too much for Derpy, and he collapsed halfway there. "You come over here," he groaned.

Before Sludge could start pestering Derpy about stories of the wild forest cats that ate bones and killed for fun, Derpy saw a deer walking across the field that separated the houses from the forest. Food, he instantly thought. He started plodding towards the deer.

It took him two days and nights, but he finally caught up to the deer about twenty feet into the forest. The deer bounded away instantly before Derpy could lift a claw. If he could, that is. He was too tired to do anything but sit down and sleep.

"Hyahhh!" came a voice. A dark gray lump charged at Derpy. _It must be one of the wild forest cats Sludge used to talk about_! thought Derpy. He braced himself to run away, but the other cat had already reached him.

_I'm gonna die! _thought Derpy desperately, before he realized that the gray cat was already slashing Derpy with all his might and his sharp claws. It wasn't doing any damage whatsoever. Derpy was heavily protected by his massive slabs of fat.

Derpy yawned. He was getting sleepy, so he rolled over, ready to sleep. Unknowingly, he accidentally rolled upon the gray cat, squashing him to the ground.

"Mrrrow!" screeched the cat, trying to free himself from the stinky mound of fur that was Derpy, to no avail. Derpy yawned again.

"Help! Hello, fatso? I surrender! I surrender! Let me out!" came the muffled yowl of the gray cat. Derpy snapped awake again, and with great effort, managed to roll off the gray cat.

The gray cat was gasping for air. "You – smell – horrible," he choked out.

Derpy studied him sleepily. "Who are you?"

"Me? My name is Oldpaw! I'm going to be the best warrior ever in DunderClan!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Derpy confusedly.

Oldpaw started to answer, but then his ears perked up. "Oh crap, gotta go."

He started to run away, but then two more shapes bundled out of hidden bushes and caught him. "Now, now, Oldpaw," scolded the tom.

"What do you want, Lyingfart?" mewed Oldpaw. The other cat, a she-cat, was looking at Derpy.

"Well, well, well," she meowed. "You managed to defeat one of my apprentice cats. You will be of use to DunderClan. Do you want to join?"

"Join what?" mumbled Derpy. "What are you talking about?"

"Let's take him to camp first, Poostar," said the cat named Lyingfart. "We can explain everything there."

"Okay," decided Poostar. "Come on."

And with that, the three cats vanished into the heart of the forest: Oldpaw, Lyingfart, and Poostar. Derpy hesitated for one second, then trotted along with them at an alarmingly fast rate of one-sixteenth of a mile per hour.


End file.
